Linguist Tseng Chiu-yu describes each stage in the progressive aphasia and the worsening of her husband’s dementia, offering a window into the mental states and dilemmas faced by a primary caregiver. This is a long farewell, rendering in poignant detail the struggle and helplessness of “the elderly caring for the elderly”.

“The elderly caring for the elderly” has become a reality in Taiwan, which has one of the world’s fastest aging populations. Renowned linguist Tseng Chiu-yu faced a major life change after her husband’s dementia diagnosis and her decision to give up a brilliant research career to care for him. In this book, she shares her experience, describing each stage of his illness. A detailed portrait of her mental journey as a wife and caregiver, her account also portrays the many difficulties of “the elderly caring for the elderly” and shows how caregivers find the strength to move forward, despite the countless challenges encountered during a loved one’s illness and decline.

Chapter headings such as “Coffee”, “Travel”, and “Taking Medicine” represent real situations and show the increasing difficulty of daily life for the author as her husband’s disease worsened. The first third of the book describes the author’s mental and physical exhaustion after her husband fell ill, as she dealt with incidents such as his sudden disinterest in coffee, which he loved, and the impossibility of responding with anger when he got up in the middle of the night and made a mess in the kitchen. In the book’s second part, the author describes the depression she felt, caused by an overwhelming sense of powerlessness as the required level of care increased and the daily toll of seeing her beloved husband’s empty eyes and expression. In the book’s final third, the author herself falls ill. Forced to acknowledge her own advancing age and limited physical strength, she finally decides to send her husband to a nursing home. Only then can she attend to her own needs, seek professional treatment, and face the rest of her life.

A testament to the difficulties faced by the elderly caring for the elderly in an aging society, the choices faced when sending a loved one to a nursing home, and the importance of caregivers’ physical and mental health, this is a moving, true account. It illustrates how people can better understand and support caregivers they know, and gives others in the author’s situation a voice.